KIOS: Day 31

What a month it has been! A big thank you to Jamie and Shannon for running the Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon! On this, the final day, Jamie and Shannon ask:

What would you like to celebrate about this month and Kickin' It Old Skool?

I'd like to celebrate showing up! I was very, very, VERY busy in the early part of December and I often had to miss days of KIOS and catch up by writing two or three posts together. And I didn't have enough time or energy to read or comment much on other KIOS participants' blogs. That was frustrating for me. But I kept at it, and kept remembering Rule #2: Have Fun! Once I started my vacation, I was able to participate more fully and it has been wonderful getting to know many of the talented writers and creative souls who took up this Blog-a-Thon challenge. 

I'd also like to celebrate my favourite December I can remember. I often struggle at this time of year, and this year I hardly struggled at all - I just accepted that there were limits to what I could do and cut myself a lot of slack. Participating in KIOS at a pace I could handle was a daily reminder of how to be kind to myself and also a welcome injection of fun and heart connections at a hectic time of year. 

I hope we all can do it again next year! 

KIOS: Day 30

Day 30: Favourite Recipes

This is one that I have been craving making for a little while. I thought I would share it because judging from the contents of people's fridges a few days ago, most folks doing KIOS eat pretty healthy and this is healthy, hearty rice dish, easily made in a vegetarian or meaty version, that I adapted from Madhur Jaffrey's recipe for Biryani - which, when I copied it, took the front and back of THREE recipe cards. This is much simpler.

You can double or triple the recipe for the spice blend and save some time the next time you make the dish. Or, use the rice spice in curries, on hash browns, roasted potatoes, steaks, anything really.

Simplified Biryani

Rice Spice:
Grind together in a spice mill or coffee grinder or using a mortar and pestle. Set aside.
5-6 whole cloves
1/2 teaspoon peppercorns
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
1 teaspoon coriander seeds
1/2 teaspoon cardamom seeds (or 1-2 cardamom pods)
1 inch piece of cinnamon stick
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg (freshly grated, if possible)
1/4 teaspoon cayenne

Main ingredients:
4 cups warm water
1/2 gram saffron
3 Tablespoons vegetable oil (sunflower, canola, whatever you like. I wouldn't recommend olive oil, as its flavour will compete with other flavours in the dish)
1 large onion, chopped fine
4 cloves garlic, minced, pressed or grated
1 inch cube of ginger, minced or grated
2 cups white or brown basmati rice
OPTIONAL: cubed cooked meat (left over lamb or goat roast is THE BEST, but beef, pork or chicken are also good)
1/2 cup whole almonds (unsalted, roasted or raw, whichever you prefer)
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/3 cup dried apricots, coarsely chopped

Put the saffron in the warm water and allow to steep.

In a heavy pot which has a well-fitting lid, heat the vegetable oil. Add the garlic, onion and ginger and cook until the onion is translucent. Add the Rice Spice and cook, stirring, for 1-2 minutes.

Inhale the lovely aroma. Exhale.

Add the rice and stir well, coating all of the rice with oil. Add the meat, if you are making a carnivorous version of this dish. Add the nuts and dried fruits (please note that you can use a different combination of fruits and nuts if you prefer). Stir well, allowing all the ingredients to be infused with the flavour of the oil and spices.

Add the saffron and water, stirring to loosen any grains of rice that have gotten stuck to the bottom of the pan.

Cover the pan and bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to the lowest possible setting and leave to cook, covered, until the rice is tender and the moisture has been absorbed (usually about 30 minutes).

Serve with plain yoghurt (or a raita made with cucumber, garlic and fresh mint) and garnish with fresh mints leaves or parsley.

Serves 4 (or serves 6-8 as a side dish)

KIOS Day 29

Day 29: Sunday Selfie - Future You

From the Wikimedia Commons. View original image here.

I was baffled about how to capture what I aspire to in a selfie. How can I take a picture of myself as I aspire to be?

So, I went conceptual. Some things I aspire to this year are: 

Freedom from stuff and attachment to stuff
Joy
Creativity (Beauty)
Community
More movement/dancing

These aspirations seem mostly captured in this photo of a field of poppies.

<3

The Beginning of The Great De-Stuffing!

Today is the day I undertake the beginning of The Great De-Stuffing!

This is probably the most daunting aspect of Tiny Living for me.

Here is what my living space looks like right now:

Oh dear. I wonder if I should share this photo. My space looks like it
should be on a Hoarder Intervention TV show. Yikes. Well, I guess it's a
good "before" shot. It gives some indication of the enormity of me
deciding to move in to a Tiny Home.

As you can tell, I'm not the most organized person in the world. I've lived most of my life in the midst of chaotic clutter.

It's all made worse by the fact that I used to live in a three-bedroom home. I was a yuppie. I had lots of stuff. Not too much conspicuous consumption kind of stuff. Mostly art-related (fabric, yarn, musical instruments), plus books and lots and lots of disorganized paper.

Then, I left that three bedroom home and went to live in a tiny urban 1-bedroom apartment. I got rid of a lot of my furniture, but kept most of my stuff. I was attached to it. And I figured the 1-bedroom apartment was temporary.

After three years of living in a packed-to-the-ceiling-apartment, I moved from Toronto to rural Nova Scotia. A friend offered me a lovely loft space in the upstairs of his home (which as you can see above is now terribly cluttered).

I downsized quite a bit for the move (especially my heavy, heavy books!), but since arriving home three years ago, I've been accumulating lots and lots of stuff. People kept giving me things on the understanding that I was planning to set up house-keeping on my own. Every time someone moved house, they gave their extra stuff to me and I took it – thinking I would soon have a house of my own and that this or that widget/book/record/piece of furniture would come in very handy. And so, the boxes have stacked up to the ceiling. And the books and bookshelves have staged a successful coup in my loft.

And then, I decided to buy a Tiny Home! All at once, a couple of weeks ago. And now I'm looking at fitting myself and my possessions into about 200 square feet of gorgeous converted-trailer heaven.

And so begins The Great De-Stuffing.

I'll be posting about it here. With after photos to take the sting out of the scary before photo above. With descriptions of my precious things and disclosures about what I decide to do with them. Stay tuned!

KIOS: Day 27 Final Friday

Here is the prompt from Jamie Ridler and Shannon Ridler's Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon:

Here on our final Friday of the year, let's share a little bit about the year that was 2013

1. What will you remember about 2013?

Definitely the two music festivals I played at this year: the Pennybrook Festival (which I also help to organize) and the Harmony Bazaar Festival of Women and Song, which was a phenomenal experience. Also, helping to run the West Dublin Farmer's Market. And, this will go down in history as the year I made the leap to buy a Tiny Home.

2. What are you ready to leave behind?

I'm ready to leave behind a whole lot of my stuff! The purging is about to begin. I have until May to decide what I want to keep and what I want to get rid of... The process is beginning this weekend and I'm excited, daunted, a little freaked out and also very ready.

3. What's something you learned  in 2013?

I learned a lot about attachment this year – about how to maintain loving connections through thick and thin. <3!

4. What would you like to celebrate about this past year?

Everything. This year was aces! I love the way my life is. A lot of variety, a sense of being pretty grounded, good friends, love, tenderness, kindness, fun, laughter. I feel very, very lucky!

KIOS Day 26

Day 26: Ten things in your fridge

I'm not at home today, so I'll have to work from memory here:

1. Two portions of homemade chicken soup in a Corning Ware French White casserole dish. I meant to bring it with me – rats!
2. Three bags of sunflower sprouts grown by my awesome neighbour, John. I was supposed to take them to my mom's house for Christmas – and I forgot
3. My favourite condiment: chillies in oil. Om nom nom.
4. Four containers of yoghurt that are past their best before date. I buy it because I know it's good for me, but I just don't eat it. 
5. Two kinds of cheese: cheddar and mozzarella
6. Veggies: carrots, parsnips, celery, peppers, mushrooms, a leek
7. Eggs – fresh from my mom's hens
8. Seeds: sesame, poppy, pumpkin and sunflower. I like to keep them in the fridge so they don't go rancid
9. Cooked beans and thawed tofu, ready to make chilli when I get home (hope they keep - I MEANT to make chilli before I left home on Monday).
10. Dried strawberries. I bought them at Bulk Barn, but they are so sickly sweet they are inedible. I've been meaning to throw them out for almost 3 years.

KIOS Days 23, 24 and 25

I thought I was going to be able to post everyday once the work stopped flowing – but I forgot that I was completely unprepared for Christmas... did some holiday shopping, drove some friends to the airport, helped my folks prepare food and the days evaporated. However, I am awake insanely early as usual and finally have time to catch up. AND, I'm still following Rule #2.

Day 25: Holiday Traditions

I'm not a big fan of Christmas. For years, I got depressed and cranky for the whole month of December. I called it "H-SAD: Holiday Seasonal Affective Disorder". I've worked that out mostly and now, if I get H-SAD at all, it usually only lasts for a couple of days.

So, I'm not much for holiday traditions. I haven't put up a tree in years. But, I guess the one thing I do still like is stuffing stockings. When my sister and I were 12 and 10 years old, respectively, we first stuffed stockings for our mom and step-dad. They were so surprised! And delighted! We don't do presents in our family anymore (except for the kids) but we do still stuff stockings. Opening them is fun, but stuffing them is the best part. I stuff my mom's, she stuffs mine and we both stuff everybody else's who's in the house on a given Christmas. Everyone contributes to everyone else's stocking. Some things are wrapped, some are not, and we open them in a circle: everyone takes an item out in turn so we can all watch each other's faces and see the enjoyment of the gift. We try to stuff them with useful things - socks and mittens and pot scrubbers – but also with joke gifts – and nuts and fruit and candy.

Day 24: Holiday Disasters

Ummm, I don't want to talk about it. I'm just glad Jamie and Shannon are warm, if not internetted, and I wish safety and comfort to all who lack them as quickly as possible.

Day 23: Books

My very favourite book ever, is Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger. It's all about art and finding one's way in the world – as an artist, as a human being. It's full of affection, cleverness, charm and philosophy. A deep, deeply enjoyable and funny book.

KIOS - Day 22

Day 22: Wee Me

Here I am! Ready to go!

I love this photo. Wide, wide open mouth – I am probably singing :-)

The weird angle of my legs is because when I was a baby I had what they called "Congenital Hip Dysplasia" (now they call it Developmental Hip Disorder). Basically, my hip cartilage didn't gel properly and I had to be operated on at about 10 months and was put in traction and then a cast, which I'm wearing in this photo.

Apparently, I was surprisingly cheerful about the whole thing. Though I think the long days in the hospital nursery must have been rather grim. They didn't have the same policies about babies and parents in hospitals back in the 70s. I'm glad I can't remember it. 

And I'm certainly very glad that they were able to fix my hips. The trouble was caught early by an excellent paediatrician who then helped give me the gift of mobility. It is wonderful to be able to walk, run, play squash, snowshoe, skate. I am deeply grateful.

KIOS Days 20 & 21

First of all: Happy Winter Solstice, Everyone! 

I think my work has slowed down enough that I'm going to be able to post daily for the rest of KIOS! And have time to read and comment more on other Blog-a-Thoners posts. I am very happy and excited about this!

Here are my last two days' worth of posts:

Day 21: Today, share with us a quote you love.

I love quotes.

When I lived in university residence, I covered my res room door with all the quotes I loved. I couldn't bear to part with them and still have them in an envelope somewhere. (One more thing that will need to be thrown out with the move to the Tiny Home - Arg!)

My ex was not a fan of random pieces of paper stuck up on the wall. So when we first lived together in a small and open-concept apartment, he devised a home improvement project to solve the problem: a divider screen that would be pretty on one side (the side facing him, the TV and sofa) and covered in my quotes on the side facing my sewing/studio area.

I still have the screen:

My "quote" screen. Not the best photo, taken in the 4am winter solstice darkness, but you get the idea.

As you can see, there are still empty spaces on it. I am always open to adding quotes. (My ex asked me when I was going to "finish it" so he could put a few coats of varathane on the quote side. I just looked at him like he was crazy. I should have known in that moment, but it took me 9 or 10 more years to figure out that we were just fundamentally not suited to one another.)

Anyway, a quote for today. I think I'll go with an old favourite. From the movie Moonstruck, written by John Patrick Shanley (and directed by Norman Jewison), these lines, spoken by a young Nicolas Cage in a beautiful Brooklyn accent: 

"Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We're not here to make things perfect. The stars are perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. Not us. Not us. We are here to ruin ourselves and break our hearts and love the wrong people– and die! I mean the storybooks are bullshit."

Wow, that comes off as being really heavy when it's written in print. I mean, I guess it is heavy, but spoken out of a man's desperate love, its honesty and directness have always gripped me and it pulled up in my heart this morning when I was asked for a quote. If this quote gets you down, I recommend you go watch Moonstruck, it'll all make sense and you'll be lifted up :-).

Day 20: My First ... (the Meme Edition)

Firsts are so much fun, let's share more in a meme-a-licious kind of way.
Let's share the following firsts:

• Your First Job
  Not counting babysitting, which I hated, my first job started when I was 15 - working evenings from 5-8pm at a British imports shop in the little tourist town near where I grew up (my big sister worked the day shift). The shop was owned by a middle-aged Cornish couple. I worked there for 3 years, taking over the day shift from my sister when she went to university. My boss used to call my "My Flower" and "Petal" and I can still hear the sound of her husband tapping his pipe against the stone wall outside of the shop. They were ideal second parents to me, all the praise, none of the hassles. And the shop was full of treasures to dust and fold and smelled of pot pourri and scented oils. And we had about 6 cassette tapes we were allowed to play - including Zamfir. Oh, Zamfir.

• The First Thing to Your Left
  The first thing to my left is a bag full of yarn and knitting needles. My mom gave me the yarn when she was cleaning out her own stash and I'm slowly working through it.

• Something You Remember About First Grade
  I remember struggling to learn how to read. I had a hard time saying my Rs and Ls properly when I was 5 (I skipped a grade) and I remember my first grade teacher being impatient with me, sitting in a circle with all the other kids in my class. I still cringe thinking of that. 

• The First book you ever read
  A Nancy Drew book, also in Grade 1. After I mastered reading, I jumped right into chapter books. It took me almost the whole year to read it. I hated it. I never read another Nancy Drew book.

• The First Thing You Do In the Morning
  I check the time on my phone and then, pathetic as this is, I check my email and facebook.

• The First Food You Knew You Didn't Like
  Mayonnaise. Hated it for years. *shudder*. It took me until I was 28 to get over it and now I can even enjoy Mayo in some contexts.

• Your First Memory
  This is very sweet. I was 3 and I remember going for a walk with my Nana. There was snow on the ground. She was visiting us in rural Quebec (where we lived that year). She was a writer and storyteller. And as we walked along, we made up stories about the things we saw: the trash on the ground, the burned skeleton of a house. It was a very happy walk and I love knowing that the first thing I can remember is creating stories and sharing them.

KIOS Days 17, 18 & 19

I just worked two 14-hour days in a row – phew! 

I don't know what's going on with the freelance graphic design/typesetting world I spend some of my time in, but I LIKE IT! It's been slow for a long time, so having the opportunity to catch up with my debts is making me very happy!

I regret that it is not leaving anywhere near enough time to enjoy this Blog-A-Thon. But, in the short spaces available to me, I am having fun! (And being nice).

Here are posts for Days 17, 18 and 19:

Day 19: What are 10 Things Currently In Your Bag?

Oh, my bag. Ugh.

I almost never clean anything out, and that includes my bags. I go hither and yon, throw stuff in, take stuff out, unpack things randomly onto the backseat of my car or my bedroom floor. This is why I'm a little worried about living in a tiny home. There will be no room for mess. And I've lived in a chaotic mess my whole life.

My Bag. Ugh.

Oh, this bag is ugly. It became my default bag when my nice Crumpler bag got put into Bedbug Quarantine in February after staying in a cheap hotel in St. John's, Newfoundland. (Don't ever let them tell you that being a musician is glamourous. It is not.) That bag has been out of quarantine for at least four months, but I haven't been bothered to start using it again, even though it is much nicer and in much better shape.

Excavating my bag can be frightening.

Well, well, what's inside? What do we have here?

1. Writing implements. I hate not having a pen. Therefore, there are NINE pens in my bag + 3 markers that belong to my mother that I picked up at the end of a recent writing workshop we facilitated together. Well, not so recent – I think that was six weeks ago.
2. Two tubes of toothpaste and one toothbrush
3. Three pairs of undies (On a visit to my fellow last week, this bag doubled as a suitcase. The rest of my clothes made it out into the hamper but not these. Why? I don't know.)
4. Tom's of Maine deodorant
5. A pack of Kleenex
6. A box of orange-flavoured Chimes Ginger Chews
7. Welcome literature from Al-Anon
8. Printouts of recent Urdu and Arabic typesetting jobs
9. Hand Cream
10. A hairbrush
11. A 5.5 mm bamboo crochet hook 
12. All of my mail from last week

I know, I was only supposed to list 10 things but I could resist the final two. Bonus Items!

Day 18: Make a Wish

Oh, I'm really sorry I missed this one yesterday. I love Wishcasting Wednesdays.

I have two wishes: a selfish one and one for everyone.

The selfish one is that I wish to find it easy to unclutter all my stuff and move into my tiny home (Read about my recent Tiny Home purchase here). I'm worried about whether I'll be able to detach from things, or maybe let things go and then regret it – it feels scary!

My wish for all of us is to have a safe, fun, creative and happy 2014.

Day 17: Free Association

We're drawing on that old chestnut, free association.
Only we're planning to get to know you - not analyze you!

We share some Inspiration Words.
You share what they inspire in you.

River – runs through it
Fresh – Fruit
Escape – Cowardice
Moment – Seize
Night – Moon (preferably full)

Days 15 and 16: KIOS Blog-A-Thon

Day 16: Favourite songs

SO, SO many!

Here are just a few:

1. "Moonshine and Mischief": I have to include my favourite of my own songs. This one was written in a funny way. The people in the song showed up to tell me the first part of their story on Christmas Day, 2007. Just out of a long relationship that had gone really sour, I was sitting home alone, and the first two verses of the song came to me like magic. Then, those verses languished in a journal for almost three years until I was flipping through and the other two verses and the chorus instantly came to me. (This is the version I recorded for my most recent album, Blackbirds, with the wonderful Tom Terrell of the Modern Grass singing the male part of the duet.) 
2. Temptation of Adam by Josh Ritter. I think this is the very best love song EVER WRITTEN. I wish I had written it myself, but I don't think I could have ever come up with the missile silo metaphor. It's something else.
3. Lantern by Josh Ritter. The sound quality on this video is not great, but it's lovely to see the audience surprise Josh and the band with glowsticks - and you can still here the best lyrics in this song: "If there's a Book of Jubilation, we'll have to write it for ourselves." (If you'd like to hear the studio version, here it is).
4. The Rear Guard by Old Man Luedecke. More great lyrics (do you sense a theme here? I like good lyrics – a lot), "The couches sure are comfy in the salon to refusés" and "My hands are on fire, I ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." Plus, the banjoy – SWOON!
5. The Bridge by Oh Susanna. More CanCon. This is utterly compelling – six minutes of beautifully-constructed heartbreak. 

Oh, I could go on forever. But I must get to work! Have a wonderful day, all y'all.

Day 15: Who do you love?

Many, many people. I have a heart brimming with love. 

But, I don't like to put pictures of people up on the Interwebs without their say-so.

So, here is a picture of my brand new Kitteh, Salinger, who is going to come live with me when I move into my new tiny home in May.

The beginning of my tiny home adventure...

My new Tiny Home – LOVE!

What a week this has been for me!

I've been trying to sort out new living arrangements for myself for a while. I've been really lucky to have a friend rent me space for the three years since I moved home to Nova Scotia. I LOVE the neighbourhood I'm in. But I feel like I've been camping, just perched and waiting to be in my own home.

Conventional Real Estate?

So, I've gone out and looked at a few houses, all official-like with Real Estate Agents and everything. I've been pursuing thoughts of mortgages, renovations, relocations.

The trouble is, I can't really afford a house that doesn't need a lot of work. And I can't afford a house here in West Dublin at all, even if it needs a LOT of work. This seaside community is not exactly pricey (compared to Toronto, for instance) but it's expensive enough that taking on a mortgage here would be burdensome. It would be a big risk, with my unreliable freelance income and inevitable financial ups and downs.

Build my own Tiny Home?

I've thought about Tiny Houses as an option. I've thought about building one myself and done a great deal of research. There is a lot of Tiny House information on the Internet. It is a movement, after all. I'm not particularly handy, but I have lots of friends around here who are and I thought I could cobble together a house-raising event where I could pay a few friends to build me a house in a couple of weeks.

Too many choices!

But where to start? Should it be a container shipping house (like these gorgeous ones a friend sent me)? Or should it be made of wood (which is plentiful around here). Or out of cob? Or out of scavenged materials (like the amazing ones Dan Phillips designs and makes? A yurt? Should it have a foundation or be on wheels? I researched and thought about it all, but came no closer to making a decision.

Right in the midst of my deliberations, The Blockhouse School Project made and raffled a Tiny Home, but I didn't win the raffle. And then, some folks I like and respect started a local company called Full Moon Tiny Shelters. And I thought, maybe I should order one from the professionals...?

Fortunately, I was not under any time pressure. I wasn't thinking of moving until the spring of 2014. I had to burn my woodpile before I could move.

My beloved woodpile.

So I mulled over the possibilities and deliberated. And deliberated.

Lucky Strike!

And then, this past Monday, I received a message from my dear friend, Charlie (one half of the folk music duo, Pennybrook, and one-third of the central organizing committee of the Pennybrook Festival, along with me and her partner and another of my dear friends, Jude). The message included a link to a Kijiji ad for a camper that had been converted into a tiny home by one of her friends. It looked gorgeous. And it was only 10 minutes down the road.

"I'm emailing him now," I told Charlie.

"I'll come look at it with you."

Charlie, Jude and I went to see the tiny home on Monday. I fell instantly in love: black walnut frames around the windows and doors, a propane stove with an itty-bitty oven, a propane/electric fridge, a composting toilet, a wood stove, DC and AC electrical infrastructure, all of the wood satiny smooth and lovingly finished with linseed oil. It had everything I needed, all in a little more than 200 square feet.

The Big Decision to go Tiny

I asked if I could have 24 hours to think about it. It is a big decision, after all. Charlie's friend told me that he would give me first refusal until the following morning.

I went away and started getting my ducks in a row. Some members of my family (thank you!) offered to loan me the money to buy the home, so I wouldn't have to borrow it on my credit cards. Imagine, a house you could buy on your credit cards, if you had to! The last time I bought a house, I spent over 330,000 dollars; this time, it was under ten thousand.

The Challenge Ahead

Not that going tiny is going to be the easiest thing for me. I'm planning to move in the spring of 2014. Between now and then, I have to sort out where to put my tiny home and I have to get rid of a LOT of my stuff. I used to live in a 3-bedroom house and although I've been living in smaller spaces for the past 6 or 7 years, I still have a lot of stuff that I've been hanging on to against the possibility of being in a larger space again someday.

Now, it's time to let go. It's time to digitize my record collection. It's time to sell as many of my surplus CDs as I can (if you can help me with this, please visit my Bandcamp site to place an order). It's time to look at all of the things I haven't even unpacked since I moved to Nova Scotia 3 years ago and bid them a loving farewell. Time to clear out my closets and prepare a massive contribution to the West Dublin Market's spring clothing exchange.

I'm going tiny. I'm excited.

Days 12, 13 and 14: KIOS Blog-a-Thon

I've had a wild few days and haven't been able to show up to the page. Here I am now, catching up on my blog posts...

Day 14: One Sentence Saturday - From A Book

Instructions:

We're making it easy today! Share one sentence from a book.
Okay not quite that easy.
Grab the third book in on your top shelf of books.
Share the first sentence.

"All day it has been windy – strange weather for late July – the wind swirling through the hedges like an invisible flood-tide among seaweed; tugging, compelling them in its own direction, dragging them one way until the patches of elder and privet sagged outward from the tougher stretches of blackthorn on either side."

Day Thirteen: My First...

My first rock concert without grown-up chaperones was a big one: David Bowie, Serious Moonlight Tour, 1982 at the big stadium in Vancouver, whatever that place is called. Peter Gabriel and The Tubes OPENED for him. I went with my older sister and a couple of teenaged family friends. I was twelve. 

The moment I remember over all others, is Bowie, sitting in a gorgeous cream suit, in a director's chair holding a skull and singing "Ashes to Ashes" to it. Swoon!

Day Twelve: 10 Things I Know For Sure

1. In-depth psychotherapy helps heal traumatic experiences.

2. Life is about progress, not perfection.

3. The Serenity Prayer is a good thing for me to keep in mind: Give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

4. I am very lucky.

5. I am just a tiny, tiny speck in the universe. Insignificance is very relaxing.

6. I live in the exact community I am meant to be in.

7. My family will stand by me, no matter what.

8. Gratitude is a good thing to cultivate

9. I am going to have to get rid of a lot of things to fit into my new tiny home.

10. It is cold out today (there is ice on the inside of the leaky windows in the old house I'm living in – Brrrr).

Day 11: Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon

I had a crazy day yesterday and was not feeling AT ALL weepy. I bought a tiny home yesterday. EEEEEeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeee! I feel like my life is taking a wonderful new direction and I'm very excited and a bit pre-occupied. I'll be posting more about the tiny home soon! In any case, this post didn't get written yesterday. But since I can't sleep, I'm catching up now!

Weepy Wednesdays

What makes me cry?

All kinds of things! I am a very wet and teary person.

I cry at the movies (and laugh loudly, too).
I cry at funerals (even the funerals of virtual strangers) and weddings (even though I don't believe in marriage).
I cry with joy and I cry with sorrow.
Sometimes, the pure and simple beauty of the world makes me cry.
I cried at that schmaltzy West Jet ad yesterday.

My stepdad scoffs: he says that my mom and I cry at the kittens in toilet paper commercials. But he always kindly passes the kleenex box after he says that.

Day 10: kickin' it old skool blog-a-thon

Show and Tell

This is me with a pot scrubber I crocheted out of cut-up onion bags. Doesn't it look like a bright orange sea urchin?

Day 9: Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon

My favourite movies!

I thought you'd never ask!

I love movies!!!

Here are a few of the tops (I'll try to limit myself to six per category):

Comedy 

Miller's Crossing
The Royal Tennenbaums
Harold and Maude
Sean of the Dead
Moonstruck
Clerks

Drama

Topsy Turvy
Gosford Park
Apollo 13
Fight Club (or is that comedy? I can't decide)
Shawshank Redemption
Casablanca

Action

Raiders of the Lost Ark
A Knight's Tale
Master and Commander
Sherlock Holmes (first reboot)
Star Trek (first reboot)
X-men

Miscellaneous (Fantasy, sports, westerns, thrillers)

Willow
Bend it Like Beckham
Silverado
The Sixth Sense
The Matrix
Time Bandits

Oh, fun! Think I'll make popcorn and watch one tonight!

Day 8: Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon

Where I blog?

At my messy, messy desk in my messy, messy room :)

Day 7: Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon

As best you can, capture your day in one sentence!

My day is... euphoria, work and the promise of a brilliant bluegrass show with The Modern Grass at the end of the day – sweet!

This post is one of a series as part of the Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon taking place through the month of December. You can join in anytime, here.

Day 6: Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon

I missed yesterday - it was a busy day. I hope to do a make-up post later today, but for now, I'm staying in the moment. - ed.

My First Blog Post!

I've only been running this blog since May, but my musician blog has been going since 2009 and I decided to post my first post from that blog:

http://alexsings.blogspot.ca/2009_10_01_archive.html

It was really fun to look back at that and see that what prompted me to start a blog in the first place was to share a joyful experience I had with my community and to shout out to all the great people who made it possible.

I'm still like that. I like to share my experiences of my community and my feelings when I blog - mostly joyful feelings, but sometimes more difficult ones. Blogs are great places to share and be in connection!

Day 4: Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon

Weather Wednesday: What's the weather like where you live today?

"It is blowin' a gale out there" to quote a line from The Royal Tennenbaums, one of my favourite movies. I'm not sure if it's still raining. It poured last night, but I can't hear the rain lashing the roof and windows, so it has probably stopped. I can hear the wind though. It is HOWLING around the house. I'm warm and cozy by the roaring wood stove in the living room, feeling extremely safe and content.

Day 3 - Kickin' It Old Skool Blog-a-Thon

[ RED ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of red? Anger
2. Closest red thing to you? Ha! the business card of someone I don't like very much - a control freaky colleague
3. What is the last thing that made you angry? Personal. Sorry, boundary. But it was only a couple of days ago.
4. Are you a fan of romance? Sometimes. It depends.
5. Do you have a temper? Yes. It is usually well in check.

[ GREEN ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of green? Trees.
2. Closest green thing to you? A little packet of papier d'armenie (incense)
3. What's your favourite green environment? The woods.
4. Are you jealous of anyone right now? Not at this exact moment.
5. Are you a lucky person? Yes, most of the time.

[ PURPLE ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of purple? The poem: When I am old, I shall wear a purple hat.
2. Closest purple thing to you? The sweater I'm wearing.
3. Do you like being treated like royalty? Yes!
4. Do you like mysterious things? Sometimes. 
5. Are you intuitive? Definitely. But probably not as intuitive as I THINK I am.

[ BLUE ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of blue? Calm.
2. Closest blue thing to you? The Fish & Bird T-shirt on my laundry pile.
3. Are you good at calming people down? Mostly.
4. What's your favourite body of water (i.e. lake, ocean, etc)? Atlantic Ocean (and I can see it out my window - or will be able to, once the sun comes up)
5. What was the last thing that made you cry? Again, a boundary. But it was only yesterday.
6. Are you a logical thinker? Often.

[ YELLOW ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of yellow? Baby chicks.
2. Closest yellow thing to you? A NoName matchbook.
3. What was one of the happiest times of your life? Most days since I moved home to Nova Scotia.
4. What's your favourite holiday? Good Friday.
5. What makes you happy? Being busy!

[ PINK ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of pink? Girlie girl stuff. (Yuck.)
2. Closest pink thing to you? Piece of fabric I use to drape a table at the market when I sell baked goods in the summer.
3. What sweet things do you like? All of them.
4. Are you sensitive? Yes.
5. What is your favourite flower? Hunh, normally I'd say brown-eyed susan, but the first thought that came into my head this morning was: Daisy.
6. Does you have a crush on someone? Yes, I am smitten.

[ ORANGE ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of orange? Joy.
2. Closest orange thing to you? The cover of my first CD.
3. Do you dress up for Halloween? Rarely.
4. What gives you the warm fuzzies? My woodstove.
5. What would your superpower be? Hrrm, to sexy to say.

[ BROWN ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of brown? Rich Earth.
2. Closest brown thing to you? The cover of my friend, Craig Werth's CD, Sideview.
3. What is your favourite type of chocolate? I think those President's Choice "Swiss" bars - sweet and cheap.
4. What makes you feel grounded? The Beach.
5. Paint the wood or always leave it au naturel? Au naturel.

[ WHITE ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of white? Purity.
2. Closest white thing to you? Paper. Piles and piles of messy paper. Sigh.
3. Do you always try to keep the peace? Yep.
4. Do you like to play in the snow? Yes. I still make snow angels when I get the chance.
5. Are you afraid of going to the doctors or dentist? I used to be afraid of going to the dentist, but now that I got to the student Dental Clinic at Dalhousie University, I am not.

[ BLACK ]

1. What's the first thing you think of when you think of black? Death.
2. Closest black thing to you? The keys on my laptop keyboard (so close, we're touching)
3. Are you sophisticated or silly? Definitely silly.
4. Do you have a lot of secrets? Um, I keep a lot of other people's secrets and I'm mindful of my own, too. I have A VAULT.
5. What's the new black? Olive green.

Day 2: Kickin' it Old School Blog-a-Thon

Time Capsule

What are you reading?: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
What are you watching?: Coronation Street
What are you listening to?: Broken (and Other Rogue States) by Luke Doucet
What are you loving? The Beach
What are you wearing? Pyjamas
What are you creating? Graphic Design
What are you looking forward to? Tomorrow

Day 1: Kickin' it Old School Blog Challenge

Day 1 and the project is to post a selfie. That actually made my feel a little shy. So, here's a shy, bed-headed selfie:

To join in on the fun of the Kickin' it Old School Blog Challenge, go here :-)

Blog Challenge

Hi Everyone,

I've decided to engage in a blog challenge for the month of December, hosted by Jamie Ridler Studios and Planet Shannon. Should be fun. Here's the link if you'd like to join in.

:-)

Self-Love Dance Playlist

It's been a long time since I posted on this blog. It was a very, very busy summer. And now, it is a busy fall. I'd like to post a summer sum-up at some point, but for now, I felt like posting the playlist that I've been dancing to in the mornings this week:

Up to Our Nex / Robyn Hitchcock
Kiss / Prince
Red Beans & Rice / Spearhead
Doo Wop (That Thing) / Lauryn Hill
32 Flavors / Ani DiFranco
All Together Now / The Beatles
Big Girl / Dolores Dagenais
Oh Heart / Jill Barber
Lark / Josh Ritter
The Rear Guard / Old Man Luedecke

Happy Dancing!

Robin Red Breast

I'm sitting on the back stoop of my house this morning, watching a pair of robins in the fir trees in my back yard. They are so calm and matter-of-fact.

I wonder what life would feel like if I were like the robins? Singing for pleasure, working for food and otherwise just hanging out - relaxed and cheerful? 

I think I might be happier.

It's ambition that gets in the way. Ambition and my compulsion to always be doing something.

I feel like I ought to be somebody. And I have lived most of my life feeling like I have something to prove.

Well, I'm me - Profound, eh? - and I think I'm finally growing up to the point where I can accept that seeking fame and fortune is not going to get me where I want to be.

Better I should seek to be relaxed and cheerful.

Just like the robins.

Sexism and Community Building

At the AGM

I sit on the board of a community group and I participated in their AGM last week. After presentations from the Chair and elections of board members, the group was split up into three groups to brainstorm some ideas for our next steps.

I was working to facilitate one of the groups, standing at the flip chart taking notes. I made a few suggestions myself and tried to help people elaborate some of their ideas and tried to moderate some conflicting opinions, while capturing all the ideas on paper.

I was the only woman in the group and also the youngest person there – there was only one other person under 50 in a group of 8 or 9 people.

I felt that everything went quite well in the group. We elicited some good ideas, heard some interesting feedback and made some connections.

"You fail as a leader."

As the time drew to a close, our Chair stepped over to the group and asked me to wrap up. I told the group we just had about a minute left. It didn't really register with the group. The two other groups in the room were still talking and ours kept going too. A couple of minutes later, the Chair came over again and asked me to wrap up. I apologized to her that I hadn't already gotten the group to finish.

One of the men in my group said, "You fail as a leader."

"What?" I said, shocked.

"You fail as a leader," he repeated.

I froze

I didn't know what to say. The request had been to return to the main part of the room, so we all did. The meeting ended. I chatted with a few people there about some ideas for future plans. I went home and seemed fine. And then I couldn't get to sleep. I was haunted by this seemingly unprovoked hostile comment.

The aftermath

I stewed and fussed. Had I failed as a leader? Had I somehow left this man feeling unheard in the group? Or did he simply hate being in a group that was being facilitated by a woman three decades his junior?

My first reaction was one of self-righteousness and rage. Here I was putting hours of volunteer time into this worthy cause only to be shot down by some jerk who came to one meeting and felt entitled to try to undermine me. Then, I began to doubt myself, my own intentions, my own abilities. Perhaps I had failed in some way and this was this man's way of telling me that I had offended or slighted him. On the other hand, maybe he was just sexist or agist and wanted to put me in back into the place he thought I should be in.

What to do?

I spent a few hours feeling like I never wanted to volunteer or try to lead again. Then I thought, well, I could just work within my own community where there is a lot of trust and love, where I know people and am known and I don't have to deal with sexist strangers.

Then I thought about it some more and realized that that is not realistic. I care about things in my bigger community. I have opinions and energy and I want to make a difference.

And what I really want to do is learn how to un-freeze in the face of sexism – or apparent sexism. I go into shock – partly because I have never been very good at reconciling my Free to Be, You and Me 70s childhood indoctrination with how sexist the world really is. And I freeze partly because the patriarchal nature of our culture has always felt pretty crushing to me. I'm hurt by it and I instinctively try to protect myself.

How to change?

I wish now that I had asked that man what he meant and tried to find out what was behind his comment. If it was intended as a joke, I might have been able to explain to him that it was an unwelcome joke that felt demoralizing to me. If it was meant as a sexist comment, I could have told him how I felt about that. And if his comment was in response to a legitimate grievance, perhaps we could have worked that out and I might have learned something about my facilitation style and how I could have helped shape a better experience for that man.

Help!

What's your advice? Do you have any tactics for dealing with sexism that you'd like to share? Do you meet it head-on? Do you have a snappy comeback at the ready? Do you freeze and stew later, like I did? I'd love to hear your insights about how to be a better leader, volunteer, activist and feminist.

My community hall is my spiritual home

I live in a rural community called West Dublin, Nova Scotia. About five doors away from my home, there's a hall - The Rebekkah Emerald Lodge is its official name, but most of us in the community call it The West Dublin Hall, or just, The Hall.

The West Dublin Hall, June 2, 2012

The Hall is simply magic. It's wooden and warm. It has amazing acoustics. It gathers us together as a community and holds us safe and happy.

For the past three summers, we've hosted a farmers' and artisans' market in The Hall. When The Hall is thrumming with activity during a Saturday market, it feels like we are the beating heart at the centre of our community. The Hall is where we distribute our local newspaper, The West Dublin Monitor, on market days.

I only moved to West Dublin about two and a half years ago. I grew up 50 minutes away, in Clearland, Nova Scotia, just outside of Mahone Bay. When I was 18, I moved to Toronto and lived there for many years. When I came back to the east coast, I landed in West Dublin by a happy accident – an old friend happened to have space in his house to rent to me.

I'd only been here a couple of months before I got involved with some people who were interested in starting a festival. That festival, the Pennybrook Festival, ended up being located just down the road from The Hall on Pennybrook Farm. The people I met at those first festival meetings have become a core group of people who work together to create interesting events at The Hall and elsewhere in our community.

Ian Foster and Ashley Condon share a high-five.

Last night, I presented a music show at The Hall. Two wonderful singer-songwriters, Ian Foster and Ashley Condon were touring in Nova Scotia (from Newfoundland and from Prince Edward Island, respectively). It felt so good to be able to welcome them to The Hall and invite them to grace The Hall with their songs. Jude Pelley (of the band, Pennybrook, as well as the farm and festival of the same name) mixed the sound perfectly and The Hall filled and resonated with beautiful music. It was an intimate show; the audience was engaged and appreciative. I'd be willing to bet that I wasn't the only one with chills running up and down my spine when Ian or Ashley sang some of their more poignant songs.

The grand finale, with Ian, and his partner and back-up singer, Nancy, joining Ashley for her song "I'm Coming Home, Amen!" had everyone pitching in with a rousing chorus of Amens.

I think that might have been the moment that I realized that The Hall is my spiritual home. It is where I get to join with people in a spirit of community to sing, chat, buy fresh veggies and art, read the news, share my opinions, hug my friends and neighbours, smile, listen to music, dance and feel completely at home. I landed here by accident, but I will stay with intention.

Alex Hickey is a singer-songwriter who lives in rural Nova Scotia. She tweets at @alexsings and @churchofbanjoy.

She'll make someone a wonderful wife someday...

This blog wasn't up and running in March when this particular news story happened, but I really wanted to comment on it. Better late than never...

Conservative Cabinet Minister Keith Ashfield said to a young woman that she would make a wonderful wife someday because she had baked him something delicious. 

I heard that phrase time and again when I was a kid. Every time I made a batch of cookies and one of the neighbours popped in, I'd hear it (that was 30 years ago, Minister Ashfield, just FYI).

I kind of rolled my eyes, but I also kind of liked the praise. I think it felt nice to be appreciated for being good at something when I was 12, 13, 14 and most things in life felt awkward and nasty.

But here's the kicker – years later, though still an excellent baker – it turns out I was a TERRIBLE wife. 

There was a lot of bru-ha-ha-ha stirred up by Ashfield's comment. People inferred that it meant that at least some Conservatives hold the view that women can only have traditional roles (I admit to being one of those people). It's also a heterosexist comment, which I'm sure has been pointed out and discussed.

But what I really wanted to see – and didn't – were people questioning that anyone's value in an intimate relationship rests in her (or his) good baking skills. Sure it might see you through a couple of years, "Mmmm, honey, this is good. Yum Yum!" but it's not going to be worth a damn when the chips are down.

Being a good partner rests in having good relationship skills: being able to express your feelings, listen, and have empathy for your partner's struggles. Being a good problem-solver can help and a strong and loving heart is a good foundation. It is also essential to know who you are, where you're coming from and what you want. I didn't have any of those things the first time I tried to be someone's long-term partner.

They didn't teach them in Fanny Farmer or the Good Housekeeping Cook Book. I didn't learn them as a kid growing up, either at home or at school.

I learned my relationship skills the hard way. By living, and failing, and spending years in therapy figuring things out. I wonder now if I had a false sense of security built up for me. "Honey, men don't care about nothin' but yer cookin'." "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." "You're going to make a man a good little wife someday." It's not true. You can get delicious cinnamon rolls at a bakery. What partners need from each other are honest, satisfying connections. And you can't just whip up a batch of those and pop them in the oven until they're gooey and delicious.

Pharis and Jason Romero – West Coast Canadian Banjoy

Last week I had the privilege of hearing Pharis and Jason Romero in concert at the West Dublin Hall, around the corner from my home.

Pharis and Jason live in Horsefly, BC, but they were on their way to perform in Gros Morne, Newfoundland and they stopped in to play for us because they are friends of my wonderful neighbour, Jude Pelley (a stunning musician in his own right, Jude forms the duo Pennybrook with Charlie Wilson).

Pennybrook opened the evening in fine style, playing a scant handful of songs, including a couple that Pharis wrote when she was with the band Outlaw Social. Then, Pharis and Jason took the stage for an amazing show with banjo, guitar and resonator guitar. Their voices are perfect for the bluegrass songs they sing and they harmonize seamlessly together. There is not much that I love more than hearing our old wooden hall ring with the talents of genius musicians. I was a very happy soul last Thursday night.

Here's a little sample of Pharis and Jason from YouTube:

I bought both their CDs and have been listening to them non-stop in the car. I think my favourite song is "It Just Suits Me".

Check 'em out. Oh, and they make banjos, too. My heroes.

The 24-Hour Non-Sectarian Church of Banjoy Manifesto

1. Banjo music makes everything better. Need to wash the dishes, scrub the tub, feed the cat, dance, make love? Say. No. More. You need BanJOY.

2. Kindness is a way of life. One of my Mom's friends has a saying: "Be kinder than necessary." That means to everyone. As much and as often as you possibly can.

3. Like Michael Franti says, Nobody Right, Nobody Wrong. "One man got a jet fighter, the other got a song. Nobody right, nobody wrong." (I think this is the hardest one for me, as I am prone to be a leeeeetle bit judgy. I struggle with it - and it's worth struggling with).

4. Love with all your heart. When you give your heart to someone, do your best to do so fully. Love them with all their flaws and imperfections, and do yourself the same favour. 

5. Tread lightly on this earth. Limit your environmental impact. Try to avoid airplanes and cars, maintain a compost pile (or worm composter), sh*t in a bucket, shop local, avoid single-use containers, reduce, reuse and recycle.

6. The love of money is the root of all evil. Exercise caution and restraint when longing for the next toy or gadget. Is it really going to make you happy? Aren't there independent artists or rainforests somewhere who need that money more? Be generous. Let money flow. Think about the things you can live without and live without them.

7. The impossibility of purity is not a reason not to try. Yes, I still drive my car to see my boyfriend who lives a couple of hours away. Whaddayagunnado, I'm in love with him (see #4) and we don't have public transit out here. It doesn't mean I'm not still trying to be an eco-warrior. Remember Harold and Maude: "Consistency is not really a human trait." Just do your best.

8. Embrace Life. Put your TV out for Heavy Pick-up and spend your time creating. Sing. Dance. Write. Talk. Paint. Draw. Sculpt. Cook. Invent. Build. Love.

9. Make a lot of noise. Let everyone know what you care about, and that you aren't cynical or defeated, because the world needs people who hope and care. To quote Shane Koyczan "You've got to care about the world, because it doesn't care about you." And, as Billy Bragg said on Q a couple of weeks ago, "The antidote of cynicism is activism." 

10. Take personal responsibility. Not for all the problems of the world, or anything, but wherever you can. There's a lot of talk about what is wrong with the world today. And a lot of theories about how to change it. There are also a lot of actions that people skip. Think the banking world is corrupt and awful? Switch to a credit union, or invest your money directly in a local business. Think the government is corrupt and awful? Run for office, if that's in your skillset. Or support someone good to run. Or, at least write a letter to them, telling them what you would prefer to see them to do. And don't forget to vote next time.

11. The world is full. If you don't have a desperate longing to have kids, don't have them. If you feel an intense calling to have kids, I'm not going to argue with that, but if you're just having kids because that's what people do, or because everybody's doing it, or because "Whoops!", please don't. Having children is optional. Support charities that distribute birth control and birth control education throughout the world. Believe me, all of our scary problems would be way less scary if there were only 4 billion of us on the planet, not 7 billion going on 12 billion.

12. We're all going to die. Yes, all of us. Even you. And even me. Try not to be in denial about death: other people's or your own. Live your life as a celebration and make a point of coming to terms with death before you have to.