Judgy! Judgy! Judgy!

I've been working on this blog post for a few weeks, trying to find just the right way to say what I would like to say about my experience of being judgmental.

But I've been having trouble getting it right. (Ironic, no?)

Then this afternoon, I saw a link to this story about the Non-Judgmental Ninja meme introduced by Wil Wheaton on his blog.

It looks like a lot of people can relate to being more judgmental (of themselves or others) than they'd like to be.

*****
Let me share my experience:
When I look long and hard at myself, I see that one of my biggest struggles in life is around judging other people — and myself.

I've been a judgy person for as long as I can remember.

As far as I can tell, this behaviour stems out of feeling unsafe.

When I'm in a situation that feels unsafe to me, I use judgment to insulate myself from my feelings of fear. I bring up a formula to judge someone who scares, threatens or triggers me and think "I'm not [insert scary, judged character trait here] and people who are [that way] are terrible people and I don't like them."

I've carried this practice like a shield that I could use whenever I felt threatened – as if, as long as I was able to judge other people, I would never have to be vulnerable myself.

I had a conversation with one of my friends a couple of months ago about judgment and about being more tolerant. And these words popped out of my mouth:

"You know, my judgy-ness is just as worthy of compassion as everyone else's issues are."

And I think that's true. (And that is part of what is so lovely about the Non-judgmental Ninja meme.) My judgment and contempt come from a very damaged, ill-functioning place in my personality. They shield very vulnerable, fragile parts of me.

Judgy-ness defies compassion by seeming strong and aggressive, but it desperately need hugs and understanding – just like the various struggles of many other people do. When I engage in judgments, contempt and self-righteousness, it's a sure-fire sign that I don't feel safe – in fact, I am very probably downright terrified.

So, if you can, please forgive me (or any other judgy person in your life). Reassurance and hugs are  helpful – or maybe draw a little Non-Judgmental Ninja cartoon like this one: