Sexism #2: Normalization and Demonization

I notice something that often happens when we deal with experiences and reports of sexism and sexual violence. I see it unfolding in the media, among my friends, and in my own heart and mind.

Normalization

It happened with the reports of Jiam Ghomeshi's behaviour. When that story first broke, it began with Jian himself posting a long Facebook message talking about how accusations were being levelled at him by a jilted ex-lover as a means of revenge.

I know that a number of people who saw that post felt initially sympathetic to Jian. I have to admit that when I first read it, I did not immediately disbelieve it. In my mind's eye, I imagined the long string of "jilted" women Jian had probably used like kleenex and chucked away. This seemed not unexpected to me. It seemed normal. Men, and especially famous/prominent men, seem to have a lot of leeway to behave like Sexist Jerks if they choose to (yes, I think I'll use the word "Jerk", especially in light of this charming definition of the word on the Urban Dictionary, a definition which was clearly written by a Sexist Jerk). Being a Sexist Jerk is not against the law. Nor can a person be fired for being a Sexist Jerk, as long as they don't do it in the workplace in a way that harasses a co-worker (something we have since learned that Jian is alleged to have done).

In my initial response, I can see how my own ingrained sexism tried to normalize Jian's claims about his situation. Sure, some red flags went up, I was wary of his story, but it was definitely interesting to see how much of my mind was willing to even try to normalize his behaviour and his claims about his experience. I think he was counting on that and I'm glad his media relations plan failed.

I've had an equally mixed response to recent events at the Dalhousie Dental School. This strikes close to home, because I've been a patient at the Dalhouse Dental School Clinic for the past couple of years. As a patient there, I've been given the best, most thorough dental care I've ever received (at a fraction of the usual cost). I've also learned many fascinating things about my teeth, gums and salivary glands. My first year, I was treated by a male dental student; this year, the student treating me is female. I feel that have been treated respectfully by both of my primary students and by many of the faculty, staff, students, dental assistants and hygenists I've encountered in various contexts at Dal Dental. I was shocked and appalled by the hateful, sexist comments that some of the students there posted, directed at fellow students.

That said, I've had an opportunity to witness first hand that a culture of sexism does exist in the Dal Dental Clinic. More than one of the male faculty members (who come to check the work of students at each visit) have made sexist comments to me. These comments have been on the mild end of the sexism spectrum – along the lines of "what a pretty smile". I found these comments patronising, sexist and unnecessary (sexist because they were not things that I thought those professors would say to a male patient and unnecessary because they were not things that they needed to say to accomplish the task at hand, while patronising was just in their tone), but I normalized it. I considered the age of the speakers, who were all clearly over 60, internally sighed and let it go. It was sexist, but I didn't feel menaced by it. Annoyed, yes, but it's the sort of thing that happens all the time. I.e. normal. I did not complain.

And then I found out that a professor in the dental faculty showed a video of bikini-clad women to one of his classes to "wake up" the male students. Which demonstrates to me that the sexism I had experienced in its mildest forms in the Clinic goes well beyond comments that slightly annoy me – to lengths that I believe have seriously damaged the learning environment at the school and have helped set a very bad example indeed.

Demonization

At the same time that normalization often happens, so does demonization. 

Jian Ghomeshi went from being perceived as a misunderstood kinkster and victim of a mean-spirited-lady-conspiracy to a horrifying abuser who is now facing criminal charges arising from allegations dating back over a decade.

As for the Dalhousie Dental students who made sexually violent threats toward their classmates, people are protesting, demanding their expulsion and the release of their names.

Don't get me wrong, I think that there should be serious consequences for sexual violence and threats of sexual violence. However, I don't think demonization is a helpful consequence, for a number of reasons:

1. Demonizing dehumanizes and when we dehumanize, we bring ourselves down to the level of perpetrators of sexism and sexual violence; demonization makes victims of them in the same way they dehumanized others and made them victims – this does not correct the situation, it makes it worse 
2. Stats show that most perpetrators were victims at some point in their lives; this is not an excuse, but it is context and I think it's something that it's important to remember
3. Perpetrators are no longer viewed as people who are "like us" which lessens the impetus to look at the ways in which we and the people we know engage in (usually much milder) sexist thought, speech and behaviour
4. Systemic sexism and more benign forms of sexism use the demonized targets as scapegoats so they can sidle off to carry on with business as usual, i.e. stay in the comfortable rut of entrenched, institutional sexism

The way I see it, sexism exists on a continuum. Demonization takes perpetrators off of that continuum and says: these people are monsters, scumbags, inhuman. And somehow, that makes them not our (society's) problem anymore. Milder forms of sexism remain unaddressed. Systemic sexism remains unchallenged.  

As an example of this in action, you may have noticed that although there have been several complaints reported in the media about institutional sexism among Dal Dental School faculty there has been little comment on that topic from Dalhousie University, compared with their volume of comments about the students' sexist Facebook posts.

I wrote to President Florizone and Dean Boran expressing my concerns about both the students' behaviour and my concerns about faculty (i.e. my sexist experiences as a patient at the Dal Dental Clinic and the reported sexism of faculty in classes and in clinics at the Dal Dental School). I received a letter (from an assistant in the President's office) about how the students were going into the restorative justice process, check out our FAQ, blah, blah, blah. There was no response to my comments regarding my experiences with and concerns about reported complaints about faculty. Figuring that I had been sent a boilerplate response and that no one had actually read my letter, I wrote back re-iterating my unaddressed concerns about faculty and asking what the University plans to do to combat sexism at an institutional level. I sent that second letter 22 days ago. I have not yet received a response.

They had an easy answer to the letter they hoped I would send, but they don't have an answer for my questions about their instutional contribution to the problem and what they are going to do to address it. 

What now?

The fact of the matter is that some people are continuing to learn the belief that women and men are not equal and they are not questioning what they are learning or have learned. Some people still seem to believe that women and men are not even people in the same way, that women and men have different rights and entitlements. Some men feel entitled to do things that violate the safety and well-being of women, simply because they are men and because women are women.

People learn how to behave toward one another. I'd like to be able to say that people who are sexist are simply failing to learn the rules of our society correctly. But sadly, I don't think that's true. Our society is in an ongoing transition around sexism. There are many rules available to learn. On one side of the spectrum: Everyone is equal. Everyone has the same rights. Everyone is entitled to safety, dignity and respect. And on the other end: Some people are not entitled to respect, dignity or safety. It is okay to violate other people's rights (which does not apply only from men to women but also from women to men, between people of differing races, sexual identities, abilities, etc.) – with the caveat that it will be better for you if you don't get caught.

Most of us fall somewhere in the middle of the continuum. I think of myself as a feminist and egalitarian person, but if I'm honest with myself, I hold a number of ingrained sexist beliefs. Having been raised up in this culture, it would be some kind of miracle if I did not. What can I do about it? As I become aware of my sexist beliefs,  I can challenge them and work them through to the best of my ability. That is what I can do. That is what each of us can do. Societal change happens both individually and systemically.

I think – I hope – that our society is reaching a tipping point in our transition toward equality between men and women. As disturbing as much of the recent news is, we are talking about things that used to be swept under the rug and ignored. I hope that the more we talk, the less we will normalize and the less we will demonize. I am hopeful that we are entering an ever-deeper and more authentic engagement with the work of changing the rules of our society toward the end of the spectrum that chooses equality, respect, empathy and compassion.

This series will continue.