High Maintenance Crock Pot Rabbit Stew

I don't think I've ever presented a recipe on this blog before, but the stew I made last night is worthy of sharing.

I come from a family of great "throw-in, stir-in" cooks. Whether it's whipping up an interesting marinade or simmering soup on the stove, we love to get the flavour into and out of our food. From long experience, we know what works and we go from there.

I bought a rabbit this summer from friends and West Dublin Marketeers, Mikee and Jeny. I always meant to cook it up for Sunday Supper for me and my landmates, but summer does not lend itself to roasts or stews and it just never happened. Then, I was invited over for a jam last night at the old homestead and I offered to make and bring supper. With carrots from the garden of my friends and neighbours, John and Debbie; onions, shallots and shitakes from the Lunenburg Farmers Market and garlic from my folks, this was a delicious and very local meal.

I didn't plan ahead or anything, so yesterday morning found me trying to defrost a rabbit in the sink. (I wish I had taken pictures, but I didn't realize at the time that I was going to write this up for my blog.)

A few warnings: Rabbit can be a little fatty. I like fatty foods, but if you don't, you can be more carefully about trimming the fat off your bunny. Also, this is not a set-it-and-forget-it kind of recipe. Because I tinker with flavours and want my veggies not to be disgusting mush, I tended this recipe through the day, adding different things at different times and using the stovetop in tandem with the crock pot for better flavour development. You'll need about 6-8 hours for this recipe. Most of that will be hands-off cooking time, but you are likely to spend a total of about an hour through the day standing over the cutting board and stovetop. Like most stews, while this is very tasty the first day, it tastes even better the next day. Also, rabbits have LOTS of little bones. Please eat with care and warn any guests.

Beware the tiny bunny bones

 

 High Maintenance Crock Pot Rabbit Stew

Hack up 1 rabbit into random pieces and throw them in a large oval crock pot. (I got impatient with the defrosting and my rabbit was still half-frozen when I started cooking it. This was not a problem, but probably added to my cooking time)

Chop one medium onion, one large shallot and mince (or press) 4 cloves of garlic. Sauté in olive oil on the stove top. Add to the crock pot.

Pour in 1.5–2 litres of chicken stock, one bottle Propeller IPA (if you are non-Maritime and don't have access to Propeller beer, any Indian Pale Ale will do) and 1 large can of diced tomatoes with their juices. Add about 1/2 teaspoon of dried thyme and 1 teaspoon ground coriander. Grind black pepper generously over the top. Stir. Cover, turn the crock pot on High and leave to cook. (I would have added a couple of bay leaves, too, except I haven't been able to find them since I moved.)

At about the 4 hour mark, mince (or grate, if you prefer) a two-inch piece of fresh ginger and cut 5-7 carrots into large dice. Sauté the carrots and ginger on the stove top. Add sliced fresh shitake mushrooms and about 3 tablespoons of ketchup. (I can't be bothered to keep tomato paste in the house and use ketchup as a shortcut). Stir and cook until the mushrooms start to soften. Add several ladles of the liquid from the crock pot to the veggies. Stir, cover, bring to a boil, then uncover and simmer until the carrots just begin to get soft and the liquid is somewhat reduced and thickened. Add this mixture to the crock pot. Let cook for one more hour.

Taste the broth. If, like me, you find it a little bland, ladle around 9 ladles-full into a pan on the stove top. Bring to a boil and simmer to reduce. Add about 1 Tablespoon of Grace Jerk Marinade and about 1/2 Tablespoon of fancy molasses. Simmer until it has reduced by about 1/3 to a half. Return to the crock pot. Check the internal temperature of the rabbit. At this point, mine was about 188 degrees Farenheit and getting loose of the bones. If that is also the case for you, your meal is now safely cooked. Change the temperature on the crock pot to Low and continue cooking for another hour or two, just to develop the flavours. During the last hour, cook up some rice (or other preferred starch – I made a blend of Lundburg Country Wild and long-grain brown rice).

Then, if you're driving an hour to supper like I was, leave the stew in the crock pot on the floor of the car and pray it doesn't spill too much. When you get to your destination, turn it back on at High for a half hour or so to bring it up to temp. (You can take its temperature if you're feeling kind of anal, but it should be fine, as long as there hasn't been any cross contamination. )

Serve with rice or other starch. Others at our dinner last night provided delicious roasted veggies (beets, sweet potatoes, potatoes) and a curried apple and sunflower sprout salad. It was an awesome meal – YUM!

Greasy good leftovers for breakfast this morning.
Om nom nom!

Home Sweet Home

I just got back yesterday from a week spent at the 39th Annual Labrador Creative Arts Festival. (If you'd like to read about my experiences there in detail, please visit my music blog here).

The trip was amazing – very intense and very social. I was a bit worried that I wasn't going to come through it gracefully, when it had only been a couple of weeks since I had been feeling so depressed.

Fortunately, I passed the test! I feel like I did a good job. I learned a lot. I shared some of my knowledge and songs and experiences.

And boy, is it ever good to be home again! It's good to have the option of solitude and peacefulness. It's good to have time to rest, relax, write and process the week.

I have some personal work ahead of me now. During the trip, I let go of my food intentions completely and only did yoga for the first three days. I didn't want to put pressure on myself to try to maintain my relatively unfamiliar self-care routine in the face of a hectic schedule. The important thing was to keep going and have fun. And if that meant reverting to a few old crutches, like sugar or a glass of wine at a soirée, I wasn't going to fuss about it.

For the most part, I didn't have too many dark thoughts intruding. I think I was too busy to feel down, even in the face of making less healthy choices.

I certainly noticed a difference in my body, and especially my digestion, eating delicious things like flummies and fish and chips, and my big fall-back: trail mix laced with pralined nuts and Reese's Pieces:

Instant energy!

I'm looking forward to getting back on board with a healthier diet and a calmer schedule.

Yesterday afternoon, I did a little work, snuggled with Salinger and then slept for eleven hours last night! Today I got up, did yoga, ate rice and veggies for breakfast and went to the farmers' market.

It feels very good to be back home!

Depression Part 3: I'm BAAAAAAACK!

I was walking across the parking lot at the Lunenburg Farmer's Market this morning and I thought, "What a beautiful day!" It was grey and soft and warm for November. I smiled and I realized that I'm back.

I feel like myself again.

There's a smile on my face and I feel juicy. I have dug a little deeper in my well and struck a gushing spring. I have been buoyed up to the surface, laughing and soaking wet.

I feel so, so lucky.

I feel lucky, but it's not really luck. It's the support of friends and family. It's the karma of past generosity paying dividends. It's the benefits of creativity and making investments in my life that I can count on to be there for me when the chips are down. It's the result of taking a good, hard look at what I need and what I want and making an effort to change the way I was thinking about myself and the way I have been treating myself.

I had let myself get so run down.

I was thinking terrible things about myself: that I'm not good enough, that I'm not entitled to enjoy life, that life is a terrible thing, a burden, a misery of worries and grief and unsolvable problems. That no one is ever going to love me. I got sucked into a world view of pain and rejection and loneliness. It stirred up familiar pain, rejection and loneliness from my past.

I got stuck.

Well, I call bullsh*t on all that. Many people already do love me. And I love myself. I love my explorations in life, even the things that could be categorized as mistakes. I'm perfectly entitled to live my life the way I see fit. I don't have to do things to prove myself to anybody; I don't have to do things I don't want to do because of some imaginary shoulds — or shoulds that are placed on me by other people. I don't have to be a saint, angel or martyr. As Mary Oliver wrote in her wonderful and much referred to poem, Wild Geese:

"You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting."

These have been the crappiest three months (or perhaps 6, 9, 12, 18? months) that I can remember in my adult life. And they are over.

Now I know that I can get that lost and find my way back to myself again.


Taking better care of myself these past couple of weeks has made a big difference. I've been eating good food, most of the time, and not kicking myself when I've decided to eat stuff that is less good for me (i.e. not food). I haven't been drinking any alcohol. I've done yoga every single day (except this Monday, when I went to Nia class instead). Yoga feels amazing. I've been telling myself good things; reminding myself frequently. I plan to keep it up. I feel amazing.

Which means things are back to normal. Only better. I'm generally a pretty up person. I love my work, my life, my community. Now I feel like I have some more tools to look out for my typical pitfalls.

This episode has been a wake-up call to take better care of myself, to take my well-being more seriously. I am committed to better boundaries and a better attitude toward myself.

I'm sure there will still be dark and difficult days – but they will be wet and splashy ones, not dry and dusty ones, and for that, I am very, very grateful.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things. 
— Mary Oliver, Wild Geese

Banjoy Break –– Ola Belle Reed

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a house concert with Sam and Joe Herrman. They were awesome and I'm sure at some point, I will share some of their music here. But today, I feel like sharing the original version of a song they covered that evening: I've Endured, by Ola Belle Reed. 

I had never heard of Ola Belle Reed before and I am very grateful to have been introduced to her music, and the spirit that shines through it. 

Enjoy:

Body wisdom Part 4: just pretend they're made of plastic

Depression Part 2a: The Hard Way or The Easy Way?

I received a lot of lovely feedback to my post before this one. 

I was interested by the tone some of that feedback took. Probably about a quarter of the responses I received on Facebook said something along the lines of "Don't be hard on yourself if you can't maintain all of those rules (that regime/program, etc)".

I think the plan I laid out looked ambitious to people – like I might be biting off more than I can chew. And maybe it looks like I'm trying to "willpower" my way out of feeling depressed.

But I don't think that's what's going on for me. I believe I got depressed because I wasn't taking care of myself. I got myself into a situation where I felt like I was being drained and I didn't manage to keep very good boundaries or assert myself for my own wellbeing. As a result, my well ran dry. And because I don't have very good skills when it comes to self-care, I couldn't seem to get the water level to rise back up in the well. Before I realized what was going on, I was depressed and starting to feel a bit desperate.

My plan, however, is not desperate. It's just the kind of simple plan for living that many, many people enact every day without even thinking about it: moderate, healthy eating, exercise, relaxation, sane boundaries on work, etc. The trouble for me is that I don't know how to do most of these things. Before this fall, I never really stopped to consider what I needed to live a healthy life. When I felt down I just had an ice cream or worked for 14 hours and it went away. This depression has forced me to examine where I'm at and what I need.

I believe that I need to change my ways; to develop some new skills and habits.

As Maya Angelou said (and as a dear friend recently relayed to me):

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”

EASE is the key!

The plan that I've set out mostly consists of things that make my life easier, not more difficult. For example:

• Eating less sugar/drinking no alcohol protects me from:
• unnecessary, chemically-induced highs and lows;
• masking my true feelings; and
• spending money (that I could using more productively in my life) on wine, chocolate or cola.
• Finding out if I have food sensitivities is going to keep me from feeling dragged down because  I won't be unknowingly eating food that doesn't agree with me.
• I've had a daily yoga practice in the past, so I know I can do it. Yoga is something I love and that makes me feel good. I'm pretty much going to stick to beginner classes for the foreseeable future so it will be easy and satisfying, not difficult or frustrating.

Admittedly, some of these changes are more challenging than others:

• I know putting boundaries around work is difficult for me. I toyed with the idea of a 50-hour-a-week maximum or a policy of no work on Sundays and I knew I just couldn't do it. My work comes in irregularly. It often needs to be turned around quickly. That is the nature of the beast and I accept that. However, I have promised myself that when I'm on the fence about accepting more work, I'm going to try hard to land on the "no" side of the fence more often than I have in the past.
• Walking: this might be the one thing on my list that is an actual mistake. I don't really like to walk. I think I should like it, but I'm very rarely actually in the mood to go for a walk. And the weather is going to be crappy for the next few months. Indeed, some days this week, I have not even stepped outside the house. I am outlawing shoulds. Consider this axed from the plan.
• Feeling my feelings: yes, this is a toughie for me. I often prefer to pretend my feelings aren't happening (Not eating copious amounts of sugar helps. Without that crutch to lean on, it's harder to deny my feelings).
• Think positively whenever possible: I'm trying. Admittedly, my journal is full to the brim with bitterness. I figure the best I can do for now is to let it come up and move through it as quickly as possible. And I've set aside 5 minutes before each meal to relax and focus on the positive. That is helping me to look on the bright side, and also to eat slowly and digest well.

 I didn't put anything REALLY difficult into the plan...

There's no requirement for me to eat kale or even salad. I'm not giving up sugar entirely, or meat, or carbs or fat. I never have to be hungry. My meals are still delicious. I don't have to train for a marathon. I don't have to try to find a soulmate on the Internet dating or apply for and take a square job. I don't have to make any plans for the future. I don't have to play guitar every day (unless I want to). I don't have to do anything that doesn't suit my heart, mind, body and spirit in the moment. 

How's it going so far?

So how is it going? Not bad, actually. On Monday, I felt pretty good. Yesterday and today have been okay, at best, but I'm not complaining. I'm enjoying my meals. I'm enjoying yoga practice. The positive thinking seems to be helping to ease some of the dark thoughts that were hounding me. I'm doing pretty well at staying in the present moment and feeling my feelings. I'm happy with my food choices. (That's easiest when I'm at home, but even when I went to the city on Tuesday, I managed to recognize the stupid temptations for what they were. I mean, I wouldn't even enjoy a jalapeno angus burger from McDonald's. When I saw the sign, I wanted one, but I knew not to give that desire any credence).

I'm enjoying taking it easy. I'm working, sure, but I'm also doing jigsaw puzzles and watching Downton Abbey and spending large amounts of time playing with Salinger. I am enjoying being by myself and keeping things very quiet and peaceful. There is no drama in my life right now. No stress or upset. I have released myself from expectations. I am allowing myself to recuperate.   


I know this wouldn't be the right path for everyone to try to heal from depression. As I said, I think my depression resulted directly from me not taking care of myself. So, starting to take care of myself feels like a logical first step to try to correct the situation. If this doesn't work, I have lots of options I can try, from talk therapy to pharmaceutical intervention.

For now I'm giving myself some time to see how I get along.

Depression Part 2: What do I need to do for myself right now?

It's November 1st and Salinger and I are in our new winter accomodations.

Salinger, our yoga mat and all of the boxes that still need to be unpacked...

This is about a fresh-start-y as it gets, I think. And I need a fresh start.

I've really let myself sink down into the depths over the past year and more. The depression I've been evading most of my life has caught up with me. I've been looking at everything through ugly lenses, seeing the worst in myself, in my life, in the culture/society and world in which I live. What a downer I've been on!

I feel like I needed to go down this rabbit hole. I needed to finally admit to my struggles with depression. Once I realized I was depressed, I decided to give myself two weeks to wallow with all my might. I cried whenever I felt like it. I slept during the day. I thought dark thoughts about things and people. I ate tons of sugar and junk food.

It felt good. But partly it felt good because I knew it was for just a little longer. I knew that a change and a fresh start were ahead of me. I knew I was moving and I knew I had a plan for what this move is going to mean for me.

Basically, I have decided to take better care of myself. The depression that I grew up with and denied and defied, was always telling me the same things: You're not important. Other people's feelings are more important that your feelings. Other people's needs are more important than your needs.

Indeed, other people's feelings/needs might well be more important than my feelings and needs TO THOSE OTHER PEOPLE – fair enough. My problem was that I came to believe that other people's feelings and needs should more important than mine TO ME. Essentially, this means that I haven't been able to focus on taking good care of myself. Even if I was depleted or hurting, I would try to find a way to keep giving other people what I thought (and/or what they were telling me) they needed.

Sugar has been my best helper — and my worst saboteur...

I've really leaned on sugar to help me live my life. Whenever I was sad, angry or upset, a little sugar would numb those emotions and enable me to act cheerful. I thought that was a good thing because I thought other people needed/wanted me to act cheerful. Maybe they did and maybe they didn't, but that's what I believed.

The trouble is that the amount of sugar I was consuming was really unhealthy. I've watched myself gain a few pounds every year and it's getting to a critical point where I don't feel healthy in my body anymore. I don't like the place I'm in emotionally, either. All the sugar in the world can't get me out of the spot I find myself in now – in fact, I think all of the sugar highs and lows and all of the denial sugar lets me do has been making everything worse.

In order to spare myself and others from having to accept/witness some of my emotions, I have been hurting myself.

It stops here.

I have a new mantra: Sugar is a flavouring, not a food (and I'm counting alcohol as a form of sugar). I'm still going to have some sugar-containing foods – as condiments, as seasoning, as very occasional treats, but no more sugar as food. No more sugar as emotional refuge. No more resorting on a daily basis to chocolate bars and soda pop and cake and cookies and ice cream. I'm not doing this to myself anymore.

Self-care begins here

Yes, I have a plan to take better care of myself. It starts today and it goes like this:

• Change the sugar thing;
• Check for food sensitivities: today I'm starting two weeks of no gluten, dairy, soy or corn and then will introduce them back one at a time to see if I'm sensitive to any of those foods. I've been suspicious of dairy for a while and I'm curious about the others. Here was breakfast:
  

  

  Yes, that's brown rice, pickled ginger and avocado. It was delicious!

• Implement some of the other strategies from the Tranform Your Relationship with Food course that I took in the spring, especially slowing down and relaxing my eating and preparing healthy snacks so I always have some on hand;
• Shop for local, sustainable food at the local farmers' markets;
• Use my awesome adjustable desk in the standing position more of the time;
• Use fitbolt.com to make sure that I take regular breaks for movement when I am working/playing at the computer;
• Practice yoga regularly – I'm shooting for half an hour a day (I'm doing the 15-day free trial at yogaglo.com) with one 60 or 90 minute session on the weekend. Salinger was a fan of and active participant in our first yoga practice this morning;
• Dance Nia once a week – one of the benefits in living near Mahone Bay is being close to Kathleen Naylor's awesome Nia class at the Mahone Bay centre;
• Do something fun and frivolous at least once a week – a concert, movie, play, coffee date or meal out;
• Simplify: my life, my eating, my schedule, my volunteer commitments, my stuff;
• Try to put some boundaries around work – this is going to be a toughy. As I head into my busy season and think about what I can do, I no I can't take a day off or limit my number of hours per week for the jobs that I commit to. But I can limit the number of jobs I accept and I plan to;
• Walk: I am in the heart of Rails-to-Trails country here in Martin's River. I've downloaded the map and I intend to explore;
• Allow myself to feel my feelings;
• Allow myself to express my feelings;
• Think positively whenever possible (yes, Stuart Smiley fans, I am indulging in daily affirmations :-);
• Allow myself to be imperfect at all of this, keep feeling my feelings and keep trying again (or tweaking) whenever something doesn't work for me.